Yuck

I hate cold, rainy, yucky days when I'm stuck inside with no sunshine coming through the windows.  Rain on a sunny day is a thing, right?  Why can't I have that now?  Rainy, yucky days tend to depress me.  I begin to think.  Not just any random thoughts, though.  Old toxic thoughts.  I think about past mistakes, past hurts, past anger – things I no longer have or ever had any control over.  Imaginary hurts that never happened and potential hurts that probably never will.  I brood.  I'm restless and bored.  There's plenty of constructive activities with which I could fill a rainy day – reading, watching movies, crocheting – but instead I brood.  Or eat.  Or sleep.  Napping usually keeps my mind quiet for a while.  Unless the brooding thoughts seep into my subconscious. Then disturbing angry or frightening dreams add to the general ickiness of the day.  Usually, though, I don't do any of that, I sit and play games online or cruise Facebook and brood a little more.  And wait.  I wait for Spring.  I wait for Winter to give way to burgeoning Life.  I wait for the bright greens of new plants and bright yellow sunshine. 

Pffffttttt, it's only February.  Where's my yarn and Netflix?  Maybe a little chocolate, too.